Dear Diary — 1

Rag Brahmbhatt
2 min readDec 29, 2020


Photo by fotografierende on Unsplash

Dear Diary,
The worst year of my life so far is coming to an end. 2020, the year in which I gained only 200K subscriber on YouTube and barely 120K followers on Instagram, has been extremely tough on me. Despite doing 28 brand deals, people tell me that they don’t see the real me in my content anymore. I just don’t get it.

What seems to be the problem? I have tried my best to make everything about me. For example, I went to attend a wedding once. But due to the lack of quality content, I decided to punch the groom and get married myself. Isn’t that real enough? What seems to be the problem? Is it the video where I rated my pairs of socks on a scale of 0 to 10? Or is it the video where I spread awareness for mental health (right after my abusive chat with a fan went viral)?

I remember my efforts in April when I went to a hospital during the lockdown just to make a vlog on the Covid-19 situation, just for my followers. But I couldn’t create any content for next 1 month due to the weakness, since I was recovering from Covid in the same hospital.
The next few months were really tough. I had to upgrade my internet plan so I could stream on YouTube. Guess how? I HAD TO PAY FOR IT!
I wish some Internet provider would have just given it to me for free, like other brands.

Photo by Diggity Marketing on Unsplash

And don’t even get me started on the difficulties I faced once the lockdown was over. Immediately, the brands started asking me to travel to places, while covering all the cost. And if you know me, which at least 2 million people on the Internet do, you know that I HATE packing.

So the thing is, I have tried everything I can to portray myself as the happiest, most caring person to ever walk on earth. I was never afraid to speak my mind especially if it was the popular opinion. So my only demand to my manager for 2021 is, can you make my parents hug me and tell me that they are proud of me so I can stop seeking validation from strangers?